You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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