we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
