All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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