I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
