Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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