I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize