You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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