I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
