No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
