remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
