Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
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