Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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