What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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