3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize