South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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