Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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