dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
