new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
