He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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