this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
whose parrot is this?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
