dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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