i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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