I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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