So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I just want to make out with him forever
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
