Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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