You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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