hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
there is glitter all over my balls
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