Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
