Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
