We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
