Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
