the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
