some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
