last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
