Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
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