look no pants
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
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