I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
