Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I'm always down for nudity.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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