And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
