there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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