Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
