Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
