a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
