new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Your penis caused this!
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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