I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
