Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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