I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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