do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
