took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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