So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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