i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
