i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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