Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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