hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
If I die, sorry about rent.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
