If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
