yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
