my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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