Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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