I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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