I feel great
I just peed on a car
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
And my parents said I crawled through the house
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
