is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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