he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
