I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
